Nine Months of Investigation
by Recalled to Life
Summary: Soon after being handcuffed together, L gets Light pregnant... It's an awkward miracle! :D Don't question it!
1. Sickness

**Author's Note**: My friend said that I should write mpreg, so I'm writing mpreg. Yay…

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Death Note.

* * *

The sun rose on yet another day of the Kira investigation. Red and orange streaked the Tokyo sky as Light Yagami awoke from his slumber next to the great detective L.

"Morning," L said.

"Morning already?" Light grumbled. "Do you ever sleep, Ryuuzaki?"

"If I did, I could never be sure that you really aren't Kira."

"Point taken." Light propped himself up on his elbows. He needed to find the real Kira, if not to punish him for his killings, then to make Ryuuzaki trust him. Or at least to get Ryuuzaki some sleep. As Light sat up, his head throbbed and the room spun. It was just too early.

Then, he gagged.

"Light? Are you feeling all right?"

L couldn't help being dragged along as Light dashed to the nearest bathroom, crouched over the toilet, and threw up.

"I'll take that as a no…"

Light straightened up. "I feel much better now. I think I got it out of my system."

Light flushed the toilet, rinsed out his mouth, and was semi-dragged downstairs by L for breakfast.

"Good morning, Light. Good morning, Ryuuzaki," Light's father greeted them.

"Morning, Dad. Morning, Matsuda." Light sat between his father and L as Matsuda stood in front of the stove, making bacon and eggs.

"Misa is still asleep, Aizawa isn't here yet, and Mogi left to get more eggs," Light's dad explained.

"It's smiley-face eggs and bacon!" Matsuda announced. Indeed, as Matsuda placed breakfast in front of them, the eggs stared blankly and the bacon was contorted into an arc vaguely resembling a smile.

"Again?" L asked.

Light gagged. "No thanks, I'm not really hungry after all…"

"Well, Misa-Misa always appreciates my efforts," Matsuda huffed as he took Light's plate back. "It's okay, Mr. Smiley-Face, I think you look delicious…"

"Idiot," Light muttered.

"Hey, I heard that!" Matsuda angrily took a bite of Light's breakfast.

"Light isn't feeling well this morning," L intervened. "Skipping breakfast might not be the worst idea."

"I'll be fine, really," Light answered the question before it was asked. "I just have an upset stomach."

"Light, you vomited."

"Oh, that's a little more understandable, then," Matsuda said. "Come on, Mr. Smiley-Face, let's go to another room."

"I think I'll call Mogi and see how those eggs are coming." Light's father left L and Light alone.

"Maybe you haven't been sleeping enough the past few weeks." L pushed his bacon and eggs away. "I have been keeping you up more than I probably should."

"I'm fine, Ryuuzaki, really," Light sighed. "Although sometimes I wonder what I been drinking…"

"Water."

"But what's in the water?"

"Light, you can't honestly feel that way about us."

L draped his arm over Light's shoulders and Light had to admit that he didn't.


	2. Girl

**Author's Note**: Y'know, I can't really picture a pregnant L. How would he sit? Normally, I guess… But that would impair his thinking abilities. Light's evil plan that backfired completely, I guess…

**Disclaimer**: Disclaimed.

* * *

"Morning, Light!" L and Light moved as far apart as their handcuffs would allow as Misa made her entrance. They were both glad that she wasn't the brightest. After all, if she really knew what was going on between her boyfriend and the world's greatest detective, would she be so willing to comply with the investigation?

"Good morning, Misa," Light said. "You just missed Matsuda making eggs and bacon."

"Smiley-face eggs and bacon?" Misa perked up even more, if that was possible.

Light nodded. "You can probably still catch him and get some."

"Great! Oh, Matsuuuu!"

And with that, Misa was gone.

"It's too early to deal with her," Light groaned.

"Just tell her you're sick," L suggested. "Maybe she'll back off a little."

"She's much more likely to come on even thicker," Light pointed out. "I know she's important to the investigation, but sometimes I wish—"

"Come on, Matsu, I want bacon and eggs!" Misa shoved Matsuda into the room.

"Just think of the investigation," L muttered.

Light nodded, "So, Misa, did you sleep well?"

"Super good!" Misa sang. "How about you, Lightikins?"

Lightikins, that was a new one. It would have almost been endearing if Ryuuzaki had said. Almost. And Ryuuzaki never would say anything remotely like that anyway, so the point was moot. "Not so great."

"From what I saw, you slept pretty well," L pointed out.

Light put his head down on the table. "It feels like I didn't sleep at all."

"Too bad that we have a full day of work ahead of us," L sighed. "But Kira won't just show up on our doorstep and turn himself in. Come on, Light, we've spent enough time sitting around. Miss Amane, we'll be going."

"You're so mean, Ryuuzaki! Taking my Light away from me!"

"Misa, it has to be done. Ryuuzaki is right about Kira," Light explained and was gladly dragged from the room by L.


	3. Argument

**Author's Note**: SUMMER! I want chocolate…

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Death Note (some of this dialogue was taken right from Episode 18, with lots of help from the anime transcript wiki. Thank you, oh gods of transcripts!) and apologize to Douglas Adams for the _Hitchhiker's_ reference in the first sentence… It was seriously the best comparison I could come up with. On a slightly related note, Towel Day was May 25. Do you know where your towel is?

* * *

Light felt like his brain had been smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped around a large gold brick. It was an unfortunate day to be handcuffed to L on a Kira hunt. He stared blankly at the home page of a search engine, quite frequently thinking of something to search for correlation with Kira's murders, but forgetting it before he could type it in.

"Tired?" L asked without pulling his eyes from the sugar cubes he was stacking. "You slept a full six hours, you really should be able to function."

"I don't know…" Light shook his head.

"Sugar? It might wake you up a little… unless you'd rather sleep."

Light took the sugar cube off the top of L's tower and nibbled a corner before cramming it into his mouth. "Mind if I take a few more?"

"Go ahead," L shrugged. Soon, his sugar-cube tower was no more.

"Light… It isn't like you to pack away the sugar like this. Maybe you really should sleep…"

But Light was busy typing into his computer. "Look, Ryuuzaki, Kira's not punishing how he usually does."

"Not with heart attacks?"

"What are you talking about, Ryuuzaki?! I mean the criminals! They're all white-collar crimes!" Light shouted. "You just don't get it, do you? You never understand me!" Light proceeded to bang his head on the computer desk.

"Light, I don't think…" L pondered what he was about to say. "Light, you're onto something, I think. Kira has always punished more violent crimes, not embezzlement and such… Light? Light?" But Light was already asleep.

"Okay…" L sighed. "Well, most of the victims seem to be rivals of Yotsuba Group. Maybe Kira's killing for profit now?"

Matsuda and Aizawa entered the room. "Any progress?" Aizawa asked.

L explained, giving Light credit for the idea that he only half-formed before falling asleep.

The door slid open and Yagami and Mogi came in.

"Hey, chief! Oh, you too, Mogi! I've got some great news. This is amazing!" Matsuda filled Yagami and Mogi in. "Can you believe it?"

"Yotsuba? That's probably it. Good work." Yagami seemed distracted.

"Huh?" Matsuda was expecting a little more enthusiasm.

"We just spoke to the director and it seems Kira's offered bribes to a number of politicians," Yagami sighed. "As long as the NPA agrees not to pursue him more, he'll leave the politicians alone. So that's that. The police caved in to him."

Matsuda and Aizawa were disconcerted by this.

"Mogi and I have already made up our minds on this," Yagami continued. "Aizawa, Matsuda, if you wish to continue working on this case, you'll have to hand in your letter of resignation to the NPA just as Mogi and I are going to do. Like it or not, you cannot pursue Kira as a member of the police force any more."

"Wha… ho-hold on a second, chief," Aizawa shook his head.

"They made it quite clear. If you continue to work with L, you'll be fired. That's all there is to it."

"So then, chief, you're gonna," Matsuda took a deep breath.

"In a few hours, I'm no longer your chief. However, we all have our own lives, so think it over carefully."

"That's true, chief," Matsuda nodded. "Especially if you've got a family to support."

"If you want my opinion, you'd be better off as police officers. I was alone when I started this case.  
And although I'm grateful to all of you for staying with me as long as you have, I know that I can do this by myself. Besides, I'll have Light until Kira is captured, so I won't really be alone." _I'll have Light_. L was quite skilled at hiding his true emotions. He doubted that anyone on the task force suspected a thing.

"Speaking of Light, is he all right?" Yagami asked. After all, Light had slept through the entire exchange thus far.

"He's unusually tired," L sighed. "He needs more sleep, I suppose. But returning to the main topic, a few civilians won't be much help in catching Kira, and leaving your jobs won't do your families any favors. I wouldn't stay, but it's up to you."

"Count me in! I'm gonna quit the police and chase Kira too, chief!" Matsuda chimed in. "And I still have my job as Misamisa's manager. Besides, if I stayed on as a police officer, I'd feel like a total loser!"

"Think before you open your mouth, Matsuda!" the chief snapped.

"Is there any way I could still keep my job and help you in my spare time?" Aizawa asked.

"There isn't. If you remain a police officer, then please don't come back here." L said.  
"But you know I won't leak any information!"  
"I won't be sharing any of our information. You are free to pursue Kira on your own if you want to.  
But I don't think it's fair to your families to burden _them_by giving up your livelihood just to continue this. I can't see how that's a good idea."

Matsuda and Yagami agreed with L.

"Oh, damn it!" Aizawa shouted. "To leave now, after all we've been through. I said that I was prepared to die if that's what it took, and I meant it! What kind of friend would I be to Ukita if I quit now? I became a detective so I could catch the bad guys, not run away!"

"Ryuuzaki," Watari interrupted over the computer. "Earlier on in the investigation, you specifically told me that if the task force member were to lose their job under any circumstances, I should make preparations to ensure that their families' financial future was secure, if you recall. I'm a little curious as to why you're withholding this information."

"This is neither the time, nor the place, Watari."

"Ryuuzaki, I assume this was some kind of test to determine how committed we were to this task force," Aizawa lowered his eyes.

Despite the protests of the other task force members, L answered, "Yes. I was testing you. I wanted to see which one you would choose."

"Fine then, if I wasn't sure before, I am now," Aizawa turned toward the door. "I quit! I've always hated Ryuuzaki. I hate him and his way of doing things."

"That's too bad, because I like you, Aizawa," L looked down at Light.

"I also hate the way you've always gotta have the last word! You insult me, and now you're saying something like that?! That's it, I'm outta here!"

"Thank you for everything," L said. And Aizawa was gone.

L ruffled Light's hair. So Aizawa hated him. At least he knew he had Light. Unless Light was Kira… which was why he had to catch Kira, to prove to himself that Light was innocent. Aside from justice being served and all… He suddenly realized that others were in the room and yanked his hand away. Fortunately, no one seemed to notice.

* * *

"Light, do I always have to have the last word?" L asked.

It was midnight. Light was trying to sleep. He was finding it difficult to do so while L was showing his insecure side.

"Doesn't matter. You can now," Light grunted.

"Because I started thinking about it, and Aizawa might have been right. But a second opinion would be nice."

"Ryuuzaki. Midnight."

"Really? It doesn't seem like it."

Light got up from the bed.

"Where are you going?" L asked.

"Bathroom."

The bathroom trip was made three times that night, each time accompanied by L's questions. Apparently, Aizawa had made an impact on him. Light silently cursed Aizawa to the depths of hell, even after L had given up and allowed Light to sleep.

* * *

**Author's Note**: Well, from Wikipedia, that grand source of all knowledge, pregnant women pee a lot…


	4. Idea

**Author's Note**: I'm sorry this took so long but, I stayed up until one in the morning writing this. I hope it's good! Otherwise, my sleep deprivation would have been for naught.

**Disclaimer**: Does it look like I own Death Note?

* * *

A further analysis of the workings of Yotsuba group was needed before any definite action was taken. By the next morning, Mogi had managed to collect every possible relevant scrap of information on every employee and shareholder in one convenient heap that seemed to occupy half the room.

"Damn, he's efficient," Light groaned.

"That's Mogi, all right," Light's father affirmed.

"Do we really have to go through all of it?" Light asked. "Whoever has connections with Kira is probably an executive or something."

"True, but we must leave no stone unturned." L lowered his voice, "Are you sure you're up to it?"

"I'm fine, Ryuuzaki."

"Allow me to rephrase. You're not up to it. You're sick. You threw up yesterday morning, hardly slept last night, and threw up again this morning. You should be seeing a doctor or sleeping right now, but you can't, because of me. I'm sorry."

"It's fine, Ryuuzaki, really."

"No, it's not. I just wish things could be diff—"

"Hey, Ryuuzaki, do we have chocolate?"

"Um, I think so…" L wasn't quite sure what to make of it.

"Ryuuzaki," Matsuda cleared his throat. "Is there any way I could be more useful to the investigation?"

"Yes, I think I have the perfect job for you," L answered. "Get me another cup of coffee, would you?"

"And chocolate!" Light interjected.

"Yes, coffee and chocolate," L nodded. Matsuda sighed and went to get the coffee and chocolate.

"Where's that idiot Matsuda with the chocolate?" Light asked no one in particular.

"Light… He just left…" L pointed out.

Light proceeded to mope.

After skimming about two pages of Yotsuba data, L had an idea. A crazy idea. Pure lunacy. Insane as asking a con man and a thief to help put away a mass murderer, but hell, he was planning to do that anyway. Light was nauseous, tired, moody, and he was dealing with food cravings and a _lot _of midnight bathroom trips. It was a hunch, and an illogical one at that, but he decided to go for it.

Once Matsuda returned with the coffee and the chocolate, L whispered something in his ear.

"What did you say to him?" Light asked. "Are you hiding something from me?"

L looked around nervously. Light was getting rather loud and rather obvious around the other members of the investigation. Thankfully, none of them were showing any reaction. Satisfied, he said, "I hide things from everyone, Light, you know that."

Not his best choice of words.

"Ryuuzaki!!!" Light shouted. Everyone in the room turned and stared. L cringed. Light chose a spot on the floor to stare at. The rest of the day was passed in silence.

The moon was beautiful, but that was only because of the Light. L couldn't help but smile. And he thought he had sworn off the sappy stuff. He watched Light sleep until Matsuda entered the room.

"Ryuuzaki? You wanted me to come here?" Matsuda asked.

"Right." L stood, removed the handcuff from his arm, and slapped it on Matsuda. "Watch Light for me, will you? I have some questions to ask Watari in private."

L left for the central room of headquarters. He called Watari and, after exchanging pleasantries, made three requests of him.

"The first two will be attended to immediately; the services of an unknown con man and thief would be invaluable against Kira," Watari hesitated. "But the third…"

"Watari, you're the only one I trust with this. Please, trust me in return and just do it.

"Do you think Miss Amane is—?!" Watari was incredulous

"You'll find out soon enough," L wondered if he was staring at the same spot on the floor as Light had been earlier.

"All right…" Watari seemed wary. Really, it was much simpler than underworld thieves or con men.

Conversation ended, L returned to his room. "Matsuda, anything to report?"

"Nothing, really, he just slept."

L took back his handcuff and dismissed the poor rookie cop.

But Light hadn't just slept. He had feigned sleep to calm Ryuuzaki down. He was sorry that he lost his temper earlier and wanted to make up for it. He was quite possibly sacrificing the health of his bladder to do so.

Still, he heard both exchanges of the handcuffs. He never thought Ryuuzaki would do something like that. So that's what he had whispered to Matsuda before… It all just confirmed Light's suspicion: Ryuuzaki was hiding something.

Pretending to sleep was getting nigh impossible.

* * *

**A/N**: Okay, three guesses on what the third request was... Any takers?


	5. Test

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Death Note.

* * *

"Sleep better last night?" L asked as Light's eyelids fluttered open sometime around six.

He was answered by a mad dash to the bathroom.

"Sick again? I'll call Watari to get a doctor over here," L decided. "Let's go downstairs and check in with the others. I wonder if your father and Mogi would be able to handle things today, and I could take time off…"

"Fine. _Let's _go downstairs. Then you can call Watari," Light snapped. He trudged down the stairs, dragging L behind him.

The other investigators were early risers and had already gathered for breakfast. L explained the situation as much as he could and made sure to exclude Matsuda from his request to cover for him. The force was very understanding, if Matsuda was a little indignant.

Breakfast was pancakes, courtesy of Mogi. Matsuda amused himself by drawing a smiley face with the maple syrup. He liked his breakfast to be happy before he ate it. The pancake was soon the only one smiling.

Light chose to ignore his pancakes, while L opened up a packet of sugar to pour on top of his. Neither of them looked at the other. No one spoke. There was a tension in the air that was very easy to sense.

Matsuda was the first to break the silence, "Are you two having a lovers' quarrel or something?"

"NO!" L and Light exclaimed.

"Gee, touchy…" Matsuda muttered.

After breakfast, L arranged for a doctor to come the next day. In the meantime, L explained, they had guests.

"Guests?" Matsuda then took notice of the man and the woman who seemed to suddenly appear in the room.

"Who let them in?" Light asked.

"Those two are the newest members of the task force," L explained.

"My name is Aiber," said the man. "I'm a con man. How's it going?"

"I'm Wedy," the woman introduced herself. "I'm a thief by trade."

"A con man and a thief," Light's father mused.

"Watari told me to give this to you," Wedy handed a rather innocuous-looking box to L.

"Great," L accepted the package. "Light, if you'll come with me."

Light didn't have much of a choice as L marched upstairs.

"Now, Light, there's something I really want you to do for me…" L began.

"Where were you last night?" Light asked.

L reached their bedroom and secured the door behind him.

"Calling Watari about getting Aiber and Wedy… and this," he held up the package and looked a little guilty. "I didn't think you'd find out…"

"What is it?"

L opened the package.

"Oh, hell no…"

"Listen, I just want to give it a shot. Lately, you've been… well… acting a bit like a pregnant woman. Just do it next time you have to go to the bathroom, it'll probably test negative, and then we can never bring it up ever again."

"Fine." Light snatched the box that was within the box and began to open it. "Let's get it over with, here and now."

The test was carried out. The three minutes specified on the packaging were waited.

L picked up the stick from the bathroom counter and gawked at it for a few seconds.

"Negative?" Light smirked. He was sure. He couldn't possibly be pregnant. He was a guy, after all. L was being oddly dense in this matter.

"Uh, positive…" L responded.

"WHAT?! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!" Light screamed.

"The stick turned pink," L rationalized. "The instructions say that if the stick is pink, then early pregnancy hormones are present."

"Give me that!" Light grabbed the stick. Maybe L was color-blind. That had to be it.

No, the stick was decidedly pink.

Light grabbed the instruction booklet. L must have misread it. Pink had to be the color for the absence of pregnancy hormone. _That _had to be it.

No, pink meant pregnant.

"I'm… going… to be… a mother?" Light was stunned.

"It explains a lot, but raises a lot more questions," L noted. "Good thing the doctor is coming tomorrow. But congratulations. I'll be a father. How odd…"

Thus the journey began.


	6. Admission

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Death Note.

* * *

"Pregnant," Light couldn't think of much else to say. Pregnant? Pregnant…"

"Apparently," L sighed. Light had been like this for the past ten minutes. It was worrisome, although not entirely uncalled for.

"Pregnant…"

"Light, could you possibly give me some variation? Otherwise, I'll think you're going into shock."

"Misa," Light wasn't quite shocked in the medical sense of the word. "What about her? She won't…"

"Hide it as long as you can," L said. "After that, I guess we can't expect her cooperation."

"Tell the others now?" Light shook his head, "Dad…"

"We will when you're ready."

"It's probably just a dream…"

L took Light in arms, "Does this feel like a dream?"

Light shook his head again. "False positive, maybe?"

"Light, men aren't even supposed to have those hormones. Unless there's something you aren't telling me…" L joked.

"Pregnant…"

"Sorry, I shouldn't have said that…" L murmured.

Misa never made an unexpected entrance. One could hear her heels clicking up the stairs with enough warning to separate and try to look innocent.

"Oh, Liiight!" she called. "I'm off to the movie shoot! I wanted to say goodbye!" She nearly knocked the door off its hinges.

"Well, goodbye, Misa," Light nodded.

"He's not feeling well, so he's taking the day off," L explained.

"Really? Maybe I should stay here," Misa suggested.

"No! I mean, no, it might be contagious," L said. "Besides, I can look after him. I don't have much of a choice."

"Ryuuzaki…" Misa glared. "Are you sure you aren't, you know, _that way_? Because you seem to enjoy being close to Light…"

"No, course not…"

"Misamisa!" Matsuda called. "We'll be late if you don't hurry!"

"Right, Matsu!" Misa called back. "Bye, Light!" She pecked him on the cheek.

"Now where were we?" L said as soon as the door was closed.

* * *

L and Light waited for Matsuda to return to headquarters and Misa to go to bed before they gathered the other investigators in the kitchen. The sooner they broke the news, the better.

"Dad, I have something to tell you… The others may as well hear it too," Light took a deep breath. "Ryuuzaki and I have been dating for the past few months, and somehow I'm…" he hestistated. "Pregnant."

"Good one," Matsuda laughed. "Pregnant…"

"I'm not kidding, Matsuda," Light glared at him.

"Son, I've been meaning to tell you how wrong it is for you to keep leading on a woman like Miss Amane," Light's father cleared his throat. "And, Ryuuzaki? Welcome to the family. But about this pregnancy thing…"

"The test was positive, we both saw it," L said. "The doctor will confirm it tomorrow."

"Wait… Dad? You knew about Ryuuzaki and me?"

"Of course, Light, we all did," Light's father said. "The only reason Miss Amane didn't hear you two at night is because she sleeps on another floor!"

"I can't believe your dad just said that," L whispered. Light merely nodded.

Most men, when they try not to laugh and fail, do not giggle. They snicker. Matsuda, however, giggled. Mogi turned red and made a point of straightening his tie.

"Well, uh…" Light hesitated. "It's okay, then?"

Light's father sighed. "As long as you tell Miss Amane the truth after the investigation is over."

"I was planning on that anyway," Light sighed in relief.

"Well, now that that's been straightened out, I need… to tell… Watari…" L cringed. "I don't think he'll like it. Too illogical… I should wait… have his own doctor back me up."


	7. Fallout

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Death Note

* * *

Matsuda was being an idiot.

Matsuda was always being an idiot, of course, but on that particular day, Light hadn't the least patience for it.

He had left the film set without a word to anyone. If Misa were Kira, she could have killed half the world's criminals in his absence. As it was, she only threatened to walk off the set if she didn't get her coffee soon. And, to top it all of, Matsuda wasn't answering his cell phone.

"Matsuda, you moron," Light muttered. "He better not be doing what I think he's doing."

"Don't worry, not even Matsuda is dumb enough to break into Yotsuba by himself," L tried to reassure him.

"If I may interrupt," Dr. Satou did so without a pause. "Congratulations, it's an it."

Light's father had taken to pacing like a caged animal while the doctor conducted his tests. He now stopped and took to staring at the doctor. "My son is really pregnant?"

"He's got a bun in the oven, all right," the doctor laughed. "Not the first guy, actually, but pretty damn close."

"Great," L grabbed the doctor by the arm. "Now if you would just tell that to Watari, I'm sure…"

"I'll be a grandfather…" Yagami muttered. "I must be getting old…"

"Master L, is there something you want to talk about?" Watari asked from the computer.

"Dr. Satou!" L called. "Could you repeat what you just said?"

"Well, Mr. Watari," Dr. Satou took a deep breath. "This young man, Light Yagami… is pregnant."

The awkward silence was very nearly suffocating.

Watari began to chortle before progressing to a full laugh. "Master L! You very nearly tricked me! You even got Dr. Satou to go along with your little prank! You jokers!"

"Watari, how many times have I ever told a joke?" L asked.

Watari took a moment to count. "Six and a half."

"Six and a half?" Light looked puzzled.

"The seventh one was a horrible misfire," L explained.

"You aren't joking?" Watari asked.

"You have my word as a physician," Dr. Satou declared.

"And… Master L… is the father?"

"Well, I didn't mean to…" L answered lamely.

Watari was silent on the other end.

Suddenly, Dr. Satou had an appointment with another patient, Light's father felt it necessary to check over the Yotsuba data again, while Mogi simply excused himself for "something." L and Light had been abandoned.

"Master L…" Watari began. "You… Your… I am very surprised at your behavior! I never expected you to… to… to…"

"Get someone pregnant?" L sighed. "Most people wouldn't expect it, I suppose…"

"I don't think I like your tone! And with… and with…"

"With Light? With the prime suspect for the Kira case? Yes. I've actually come to depend on my being wrong about that."

"But you were so sure that Light Yagami is Kira!"

"I've been wrong before!"

"When?"

"… I'm not sure, but I know I've been wrong before! Besides, I haven't even ruled out that Light was acting as Kira! He just might have been used by the real Kira!"

"How?!"

"He could have been possessed by a Shinigami!" L declared.

"I love how you're both talking about me like I'm not in the room," Light groaned. L muttered an apology.

"How long has this been going on behind my back?" Watari asked sternly.

"Two months," L answered. "But it was behind everyone's back… or we thought so, anyway. So there's no need to feel left out."

"You still didn't feel the need to tell me about it?!"

"Light didn't tell his father either!"

"If Light jumped off a bridge, would you?"

L rattled the handcuffs. "You mean without these? The answer would still be yes!"

"I made you what you are today! You couldn't be the world's greatest detective without me!"

"I didn't want to be the world's greatest detective! I wanted to be a pastry chef!"

"That would have been wasting your potential!"

"I would have been a great pastry chef, but then you came and took me to that stupid Wammy House, and forced me to be a detective!"

"Fine! Continue the Kira investigation in the headquarters I gave you, but don't expect any more help from me!"

"Fine! I'm sick of being your pet detective! I'll do this on my own!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

The emergency signal went off.

"That would be Matsuda… idiot…" Light muttered. "He did try Yotsuba on his own…"

"I have other matters to attend to. Goodbye, Watari," L hung up.

* * *

**Author's Note**: *whistles* As the task force turns, eh? That fight came out of nowhere and pretty much wrote itself, which was cool… although I'm not sure if two of the great stoics of Death Note would argue like that… but hey, Light is pregnant, so all sorts of weird shtuff might go down…


	8. Rebellion

**Disclaimer**: No own. If I did, there would be a series of Death Note chibi shorts by now…

* * *

One positive thing that could be said about Matsuda was that he was true to his nature.

Sadly, his nature was idiotic.

He had gone to Yotsuba. He had gotten caught. On the bright side, he had overheard some executives talking about getting Kira to kill their rivals. Still, he needed rescuing, and as L saw it, the only way for him to live was for him to die,

Faking a death had once been a simple matter. L just needed to call Watari to arrange an ambulance and an obituary, and it was done. He quickly realized that it was a heck of a lot harder without Watari.

Because, without Watari, L was broke.

L counted his assets. He had Aiber, Wedy, Misa… Misa had friends… A mattress and some alcohol wouldn't be hard to come by… Matsuda could pay for his own obituary… A plan began to form in his mind. All he needed was the ambulance…

"I could hotwire one," Wedy offered.

The plan was made.

* * *

"I bet you have some super high-tech plan to bail me out!" Matsuda was hopeful.

"No, you're going to pretend to be drunk and fall out the window," L sighed. "Super high-tech plans are out of the question at the moment."

Matsuda was amazed. L had summoned him to the bathroom in order to tell him to jump off a building.

"Don't worry. We'll catch you."

Matsuda was oddly not reassured.

Light was still handcuffed to L, crouched over a toilet bowl.

"Why is it called morning sickness if I can get it at night?" he groaned.

"The doctor confirmed it? Congratulations!" Matsuda beamed.

At the moment, Light did not feel that congratulations were necessary. He fully supported L's action of shoving Matsuda out to go be drunk.

* * *

It worked. Taro Matsui was dead. Wedy returned the ambulance before it was missed. No one noticed that the paramedics were handcuffed together.

And L wouldn't shut up about it.

"We stole a car! We actually stole a car! That would have made Watari so mad!"

"Ryuuzaki…" Light was doomed to follow L like a zombie as the detective searched the cupboards.

"Any idea where Mogi put the rest of the alcohol?"

"You can't be serious…" Light shook his head.

"Watari wouldn't let me. He said it would kill my brain cells…"

"It _will _kill your brain cells…"

"The fridge! Of course!"

"Ryuuzaki, you're being stupid…"

"I'll never need Watari again!" L poured himself a glass. "I'll catch Kira, and then I can quit this detective business! I'll open a bakery, and we can raise the baby together!"

The alcohol went down in one gulp. L grimaced, but poured another glass anyway.

* * *

L's eyes didn't want to open. It was as if someone had superglued them shut. Did someone superglue them shut? He tried to remember the previous night, but the pounding in his head wouldn't let him think. With great effort, he opened his eyes.

He immediately wished he hadn't.

The sunlight slammed into his retinas with the force of a ten-pound sledgehammer. He quickly closed his eyes again.

"Oh, you're awake…" the words were merely whispered (a groggy whisper at that), but they echoed inside L's skull. He covered his ears and discovered that his back hurt too. Was there some part of his body that didn't hurt?

He tried to open his eyes again. Fortunately, something was blocking the sun… Light's face slowly came into focus.

_Light, what happened last night? I don't remember anything. Was I sleeping? How did I get to our bedroom?_

"Wuh happened?" was all that came out. His throat burned even with that pitiful effort.

"You got drunk," Light explained. "You found the alcohol from the party and drank five glasses. I tried to stop you, but you looked so happy… I almost wish I could have joined you." He frowned at the fallen detective. "Almost."

"That all?" L was still only capable of two-word sentences.

"Well, you stood on top of the table and proclaimed your love for me and how it was no longer a secret. Don't worry, Misa was dead asleep a few floors up. I tried to get you down, but you wouldn't. Everyone else heard you and tried to help. You kicked Matsuda in the face before Mogi and Aiber pinned you down. You said a few harsh things about Watari, and pretty soon, you were out cold."

"I missed that?" Three words. L would have been proud if he hadn't been in so much pain.

"We should be very glad that Misa has her own floor."

L grunted. "Time?"

"Around noon."

"Wuh?" L tried to sit up, but collapsed immediately.

"You slept for ten whole hours." Light tilted his head, "You know, I thought the dark circles under your eyes would shrink a little, but they really haven't."

A few minutes passed.

"Ryuuzaki, you're acting like an idiot," Light broke the silence.

"No polgizing to Watery," L cut him off.

"If you could just hear how you said that…"

"No!"

"Ryuuzaki, Watari overreacted, but so did you. A pastry chef? Really?"

L tried to nod and his head swam.

"Once your hangover is over, I'm putting you on the phone with Watari," Light announced. "In the meantime, Mogi brought some aspirin and water up here."

L slowly propped himself up on his elbows and took the aspirin as if it would actually make a dent in his massive headache.

"Never doing that again," L decided.

It was then L's turn to have morning sickness.

* * *

Light shoved the microphone in L's face. "He isn't there. Leave a message."

L said nothing.

"Do it," Light urged.

L took a deep breath. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Light and me. I didn't think you'd take it so personally. I admit, Light's pregnancy… would shock anyone. And then it felt like you were suggesting Light and I didn't have anything special, and I lost it. Anyway, I'm sorry I upset you… and… I really wanted to be a pastry chef, but… I probably would have gotten bored. Being a detective is fine. Goodbye. Oh… This is L."

He hung up. "Satisfied?"

"Very," Light kissed him on the cheek.

* * *

**Author's Note**: And so, L surrenders his dream of being a pastry chef D: Sad in a way, really. Having sat in front of a computer for four hours reading about how drugs and alcohol are bad (requirement for a learner's permit in this state), I feel like I should say something about how hangovers aren't cool… Yeah, that should be sufficient.


	9. Compromise

**Author's Note**: Yo, Ryukishi07, I'm really happy for you and I'mma let you finish, but Tsugumi Ohba created one of the best mass murderers with a god complex of all time. OF ALL TIME! (now that the obligatory Kanye-West-being-a-total-jackass-at-the-VMAs reference is out of the way, the story can progress).

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Death Note.

* * *

A week passed with no reply from Watari. Light was on the verge of sighing and saying "Well, it was at least worth a try, and it was the right thing to do anyway." L was convinced that the apology had been a useless gesture from the start.

And yet, one day, there was feed from wiretaps and surveillance cameras of the Yotsuba boardroom were available at headquarters.

"Did we ask Wedy to…?" Light was perplexed.

"You didn't, so I took the liberty," a weary-sounding, British voice said.

"Watari!" Light began to feel a bit emotional. So Watari _did _care! So the apology _was _good for something! The reunion wasn't as touching as it could have been, since Watari was on the other end of a computer connection, but it was touching none the less.

"Oh, thank you, Watari," L nodded. "I just hadn't gotten around to it yet."

"Not a problem," Watari said.

Light stared at L. It was supposed to be a touching reunion anyway. Ryuuzaki and Watari just weren't showing enough emotion. At least the investigation could proceed this way…

* * *

The investigators watched as the executives of Yotsuba group debated who to kill next. They had already decided to stop killing every weekend, although apparently, this wasn't the weekend they were going to stop. Some poor insurance agents would thank God for Friday only to be struck down by Kira on Saturday. It was a cruel twist of fate, really.

"Well, I guess that settles it. This video is all the evidence we really need to arrest them," Light said.

"No. Unfortunately, we need to keep recording these meetings and see if the people they name actually die," L sighed. "If we were to take action now, everything we've done will go to waste."

"What?! But we can't let these people die!" Light said. "Somebody give me a phone! I'm putting a stop to this!"

"Maybe you didn't hear me right," L cleared his throat. "If we were to take action now, everything we've done will go to waste."

But Light was dialing a number, "But they can't all be Kira, can they? I'm willing to bet Namikawa isn't Kira. Don't worry. I'll pretend to be L and make a deal."

And so, Light bargained an extra month for the insurance agents like a true businessman.

* * *

One of the formerly doomed insurance men stepped off the elevator and headed for home after a hard week's worth of work.

"Thank God it's Friday," he muttered for the second day in a row. The day before, he had been answered, "Sorry, hon, it's Thursday," but no, not today. The natural end of the work-week is Friday, even if Monday feels like Thursday.

He didn't particularly like his job, but he didn't hate it, and he knew it would lead to bigger and better things. He looked up at the red and orange streaks left in the sky by the setting sun and felt a surge of hope. He could do anything he wanted to if he really tried! All the motivational speakers in the world couldn't have made him more excited to be alive. It was time to live in the moment! For all he knew, he was going to die in a horrible accident in a month!

Or in five seconds for that matter.

As the insurance man stepped into the street, a double-decker bus rammed into him. His blood and innards covered the pavement.

And the moral of the story is: Some poor bastards are just screwed no matter what.

* * *

"Well, that went much better than I expected," L admitted. "You really are amazing, Light. If I die, you might actually be able to succeed me…"

"What?!" Light shouted. "Don't talk like that, Ryuuzaki! We only have a month to figure out Kira's identity and prove it! This is only the beginning. Besides, I won't let you die!"

"But if I did," L proposed. "Would you take over for me as L?"

"What are you talking about? As long as these handcuffs are on, we would die together anyway," Light lowered his voice. "And you _can't _die, you have a child, remem— wait. I see. You still think I was Kira and I'm either acting or I've forgotten that I was Kira and passed that power on to someone else. Even if I lost that power, you still think I would have planned a way to get it back once I've cleared my name. And then I would steal L's title and become Kira again."

"Impressive, that's exactly what I was thinking," L sighed.

"But I don't want your title! I just want to catch Kira and—! Um… and…" Light glanced at the other task force members. "But do you really think I could be Kira? Do you really think I could kill someone?!"

L hesitated a moment. "Yes, I do think so. I always have."

"Oh, God, don't fight anymore, guys…" Matsuda sighed. "What kind of example will that set for the baby?"

"Wow… Matsuda is… right…" Light was stunned. "Let's focus on this Kira. Hopefully there won't be a fourth Kira after this…"

"And then there's a fifth and a sixth, and maybe a seventh!" Matsuda added.

"Matsuda, we only have a month. Stop getting distracted," L reprimanded him.

"We have this tape," Yagami reminded L. "It's enough to arrest these men and stop the murders."

"Unless Kira isn't one of those men. It's entirely possible that one of them has a connection to Kira. Then as soon as they're arrested, Kira will kill them all," L explained. "If we were to take action now, everything we've done will go to waste."

"But we still don't know that Kira isn't one of those men," Yagami argued. "An arrest might still stop the killings."

"Argument from ignorance," L sighed. "Listen, from now on, I think I should go after Kira on my own… Hopefully Light will agree to work with me. You may still use this headquarters as much as you like, and I'll be here too, but we'll be working independently."

L stood and walked upstairs.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I know you're completely against this, but I'm afraid there's no choice."

"Completely against what? I want to act now, but I'm still willing to work with you…"

"I'm so sorry," L repeated.

* * *

"Light!! I didn't know we were supposed to have a date! Oh… right, I should have known…"

Light shot L a glare that was supposed to say, "This is what you had in mind? Really? I think I've suffered her enough, thank you."

L returned with a glance that was supposed to say, "I said I was sorry. And she's the only way I can think of to infiltrate Yotsuba."

Sadly, L's glance only came across as a blank stare, and no amount of apologies would alter reality to remove Misa Amane from their presence.

"Miss Amane, tell me," L cleared his throat. "Do you love Light from the bottom of your heart?"

"Of course I do! I'll always love my Lightikins!"

Light had difficulty restraining the gag reflex.

"But you also worship Kira, don't you?" L asked.

"Well, yeah, but…"

"If you had to choose between Light and Kira, who would you pick?"

"What kind of question is _that_?! I'd choose Light, of _course_! I'm grateful to Kira, but it isn't true love!"

"But Light wants to catch Kira. What will you do?"

"So, if I said you could work with Light on this investigation…?"

"I'd say, yesyesYES!" Misa squealed.

"Well, thanks to Matsuda's screw-up, Yotsuba may be considering Misa as their spokesperson already, and if they find out she's been questioned by L on the suspicion of being the second Kira…"

"No, no, NO!" Light interrupted. L and Misa stared at him. "It's… too dangerous?"

"You're worried about me? Yay! But I don't care how dangerous it is, as long as it's for Light!" Misa would not be deterred.

"You heard her, Light," L allowed himself a small smirk. "This is why I turned to Miss Amane. I know her bravery and love for you is boundless."

"Oh my God, Ryuuzaki, I think I've misunderstood you this whole time!" Misa gasped. "You really do understand how I feel, don't you?"

"More than you know," L muttered. "But yes! Misa is indisputably the most perfect and worthy woman for Light!"

L shot Light another glance that was supposed to say, "Notice that I said nothing about men."

Sadly, it was perceived as yet another blank stare.

"Yay! You're such a sweetie, Ryuuzaki!" Misa pecked him on the cheek.

"You know, I could actually fall for you," L smiled.

"Ryuuzaki!" Light, missing the slight comical tone in L's voice, yelled and pulled L back.

"Aw, are you jealous, Light?" Misa asked. "You should know better than that. I could only love you, Light!"

"Really, Light, I would never think of stealing Misa away," L reassured him.

"Of… course, Misa…" Light sighed. "Let's just catch Kira…"

* * *

**Author's Note**: And now, some of the best lines in the entire anime:

Misa: I could never dream of living in a world without Light!  
L: Yes, that would be dark.

Why that pun is as funny as it is, I do not know… Maybe just because L says it… Here's hoping you enjoyed this long-forthcoming chapter. Blame my teachers…


	10. Business

**Author's Note**: Happy Halloween!

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Death Note. If I did, I could skip school and write for you all day. But, alas…

* * *

Time for a shallow monologue.

"Busy, busy, busy, I have such busy days. I have my job, then those meetings, and now I have to kill people. Busy, busy, busy… but I get money! And power! Ahahaha…"

The third Kira was indeed busy, but he was also very pleased with himself. A bit over-pleased, really. He had a captive audience too, one that would like nothing better than to be spared the pleasure.

"And that Misa Amane… second Kira, obviously, must have wiped her memories. I shall make her my trophy wife!"

Yes, Rem had given the Death Note to this pitiful human, this pitiful human who wouldn't shut up.

"Then I can kill her for the insurance! It's a perfectly original plan!"

Rem so wanted to kill the pitiful human who would not shut up. But that wouldn't help Misa at all… It was best to grimace and pretend that the human was tolerable.

There were worse humans than Light Yagami. Behind that raging god complex and the high probability that he would hurt Misa and would have to die, he was a charming individual. Especially next to…

What? You were expecting a name? No chance. The third Kira kept his face off-camera for a good reason: It would break the plot if he didn't.

Not like it really mattered which businessman was the third Kira. They all had very much the same personality.

"Hey, Rem, hide the Death Note in the usual place," the currently unnamed Yotsuba executive commanded. As if he even knew where the place was.

Rem groaned after the third Kira left the room. Everything that made Light Yagami a tolerable human was absent in this one. No strategy, no intelligence, no sense of justice, however skewed. On the bright side, no god complex…

If that man so much as touched Misa, his name was going in the Death Note immediately.

* * *

"And action…" L said.

"Misa Amane," Aiber cleared his throat. "Have you ever been held on suspicion of being the second Kira?"

"WHAAAAAAAT?!" Misa shrieked. "No waaaaay!"

"Aaaand, cut," L hit Misa on the head with a rolled up newspaper. "That was much too overdramatic."

"Oh, _really_?" Misa glared. "And what would _you_ know about acting, Ryuuzaki?"

"I'll have you know that I went to drama school for a semester," L answered. "I was toying with the idea of acting in my free time."

"Really?" Misa's eyes grew wide. "I can't picture you as an actor."

"Neither could the people at drama school, apparently," L sighed. "They told me I wasn't emoting enough. So I wound up in the assistant director's chair a lot. Hard to sit, too…"

"Hey, Ryuuzaki, would you say, 'To be or not to be' for me?" Misa giggled. "Pretty please?"

"I'd rather not."

And it was back to acting practice for Misa.

* * *

Misa washed her hands in the Yotsuba bathroom.

"This is getting to be exhausting," she groaned. "At least things are going well. I just need to keep this up for Light…"

She felt something tap her on the shoulder. A floating scrap of paper. With a hand around it. A big… bony… hand… attached to a big… bony… monster…

Misa began to screamed, but the monster pressed its hand over her mouth.

"Misa, calm down. You are in a dangerous situation. I am your ally," the monster explained.

* * *

"So quiet," L allowed himself a small smile.

"Yeah, maybe we should send Misa out more often," Light agreed. "Although I feel a little guilty about throwing her into a dangerous situation like this…"

"Really?"

"Just a little."

"I hope Misamisa is all right," Matsuda whimpered. "Maybe we should have put a tracking device on her?"

"Hey, do we have a life-threatening situation to send Matsuda into?" L joked.

"I'm sure we'll come up with one eventually," Light smiled. He then fell deep into thought:

_Just as I thought. This is a different Kira than the one from before my captivity. He's killing people who regretted their crimes or committed them unintentionally. The original Kira would never have punished those people. Hey, I wouldn't either if I were Kira. If I were Kira… I would be a lot like the original Kira. Eerily so. Oh, what am I thinking? I can't be Kira. I think I would remember killing so many criminals. And I could never try to kill Ryuuzaki, could I? No, to be comparing myself to that murderer, there must be something wrong with me…_

* * *

_"Light Yagami is Kira."_

It was a dream come true for Misa. Her beloved and her idol were one and the same. She didn't have to choose. Which meant Light was really trying to kill Ryuuzaki. Poor Ryuuzaki… Still, it was one vague, ridiculous insecurity out of the way. Oh, that shinigami Rem was a godsend.

_"The current Kira is a violent, pathetic human being. I don't know what he's capable of. When you return to the interview, I will stand behind Kira. Be careful of him and the others from Yotsuba."_

So Higuchi was the third Kira. The creep… She had no problem trusting Light instead of him.

* * *

"Misamisa is fifteen minutes late!" Matsuda yelled. "Something must have happened to her! Call the police! Call the FBI! Call somebody who can bring Misamisa's murderer to justice!"

"Awww, Matsu, I didn't realize you cared so much!" a voice cooed behind him.

"Misamisa! You're all right!" Matsuda cheered.

"Traffic," Mogi grunted and joined L and Light in the rite of the face-palm.

"Lightikins! Everything went according to plan! I got hired as the new spokesperson for Yotsuba and gave each of them my phone number! Would you believe three of the seven have asked me out already? As if I would actually date any of them when I have _you_."

Light went pale. "Um… Misa? The plan is off. You can still be in the commercials, but I don't want to be responsible if you get hurt in all this."

"If that's what you want, Light, that's what I'll do. Well, I'm pretty tired, so I better get to bed."

Misa walked halfway up the stairs before she turned and asked, "Hey, Light, wanna come sleep with me tonight?"

Light's face went from pasty white to beet-red. "Wh-what are you talking about, Misa?!"

"Just kidding! You're saving me for after we catch Kira, right? No need to be shy about it."

"Yes, Light, there's no need to be shy," L stared at him. "Although you seem like the type that would wait until after marriage… but I guess not."

"I'm not being shy, and you aren't helping!" Light shouted.

Misa giggled and went upstairs.

"I hate this…" Light groaned.

"You can be honest with her in about a month. You'll be showing around then anyway, won't you?" was L's only attempt at comfort.

* * *

**Author's Note**: I actually had a weekend without much homework, so yay, this didn't take a month to write and then another month to get to a reliable internet source. I feel a little bad for Misa… Ah, but the yaoi… Tough luck, Misamisa…


	11. Irony

**Disclaimer**: I am fully aware that Kira writes the names of copyright violators in the Death Note and hereby renounce any claim to the franchise.

* * *

Three weeks after Misa promised to not to interfere with the investigation, she disappeared. One day during filming, she went into a hospital for a bathroom break and the girl who came back to Mogi… wasn't Misa.

Light was on the verge of ecstasy. No more Misamisa. No more Lightikins. No more morning sickness. If only Kira had been in Ryuuzaki's grasp, things would have been perfect. Just him and Ryuuzaki, able to be together without suspicion and raise their child and…

"I'm back, and guess what?!" That obnoxious, high-pitched squeal shattered Light's fantasy of domestic harmony (with the occasional interruption of a difficult homicide to crack). "Higuchi is Kira!"

"Really? What proof do you have?" L sighed without even turning away from his sugar-cube tower to face Misa. Light presumed that he had been having similar thoughts.

Misa pulled out her cell phone to play the recording: "Listen, I'll prove that I'm Kira. I won't kill anyone for a month, if that makes you happy. Then will you marry me?"

"You, see, I convinced him that I'm the second Kira, and—."

"Misa! I told you not to tell people that!" Light yelled.

"Calm down, Light," L interrupted. "Misa, you did a good job. You discovered the identity of the third Kira and bought us another month to catch him. Another month… Goody…"

"Ryuuzaki is right," Light admitted. "But Misa, you don't need to do anything else for the investigation. You've done more than enough. Really…"

"As long as I was useful to you, Lightikins," Misa beamed and headed for the door. "I'll be in my room… And Light? Have you been joining Ryuuzaki with those sweets? You know it's not good for you…"

Light shook his head. "Why do you ask?"

Misa hesitated. "Well, I don't mean this in a _bad_ way, but… you're getting a bit round these days… But don't get me wrong, if anyone can pull it off, it's you, Lightikins!"

Misa ran away in fear of retaliation. She really didn't have to worry about her hips, but who knew what cruelties Light might inflict?

"She noticed…" L smirked. "Don't worry, I have no intention to use up all of the month Misa bought us. This will be over soon."

L put his arm around Light and came far closer to having Kira in his grasp than either of them suspected.

* * *

**Author's Note**: Ah, that was really half-assed, gomen, gomen! Happy Thanksgiving, if you celebrate it! Ah, Rolo puts his face really close to Lelouch, ne? :3 *became a Code Geass fan since the last chapter*


	12. Recollection

**Author's Note**: Long chapter? ^^;

**Disclaimer**: No own.

* * *

The road to capturing Higuchi as the third Kira seemed fairly straightforward. Lure him out, discover his method of killing through Wedy's surveillance equipment, and corner him. Sakura TV was a soulless, corporate network, unconcerned with the actual truth as long as the lies got ratings, so they would surely comply with their plan. There was the brief issue, however, of who the possible sacrifice would be.

"As her former manager, I absolutely _refuse_ to allow Misamisa to be placed in any sort of danger!" Matsuda vehemently proclaimed at the beginning of the discussion.

"I have no objection to that," L gave Matsuda only a moment of relief. "I think we were all thinking that only Matsuda could be the man for the job."

"Exactly, I mean what scoundrel would put Misamisa in— What, me? I was thinking Mogi…"

"But Matsuda, I thought you were willing to give your life to bring Kira to justice," Light pointed out.

"Well, yes, but…"

"But?" L prompted.

"But I was kind of hoping I wouldn't have to…" the unfortunate cop admitted.

* * *

With Matsuda, an interviewer, and a Sakura TV camera in place, the trap was set. Light had somehow persuaded Higuchi's associates to inform him about the broadcast (perhaps with the peculiar fury that can only be attained by a pregnant woman… or man). And, to prompt Higuchi to Kira-worthy action, Matsuda had to reveal his face.

When he received the signal that Higuchi was watching, Matsuda very carefully knocked the glass over and…

It shattered.

"Oh, crap…"

The glass that hid his face from the world was not, in fact, unbreakable. He covered his face with hands and ventured to ask, "Uh, any chance we've got another one of those?"

The host shook his head.

* * *

It was a disaster. That bastard Taro Matsui had survived his fall and he was going to rat out Yotsuba in an hour. Higuchi grabbed the Death Note and scribbled "Taro Matsui" in it.

Forty seconds later, absolutely nothing happened.

"Fake name? Who is this guy?" Higuchi ran to the car and whipped out his cell phone. "Rem! Follow me!"

Rem rolled her eyes. Pitiful human… At least his part in this farce was coming to a close.

* * *

Matsui had been using a fake name the whole time and made no secret about it to his talent agency. Sadly, no one could quite remember what the real name was, and everyone at the office was rather conveniently on vacation. So it fell upon Higuchi to break into the office and find Matsui's file. Nothing that a well-thrown rock couldn't handle, but Higuchi felt that such a menial task was somehow below him.

Rem, on the other hand, felt that she could safely vouch that nothing was below Higuchi, who was now cursing Matsui to the depths of hell and threatening to kill Misa and everyone else at the talent agency to protect himself.

* * *

"What?! No way! He's gonna kill _me_?!" Misa screamed. "He wanted to marry me! I can't believe him!"

L groaned. He knew they shouldn't even have let her watch this operation from the sidelines. All she did was make noise and distract them and talk over the transmissions they were getting from Higuchi. Like some obnoxious, yappy lapdog… only less cute.

"Don't worry, Misa, he would only kill you after Matsuda, and he won't be able to do that if everything goes as planned. Well… everything else…" Light said as he eyed Matsuda still cowering on Sakura TV.

_Please, please, please, Higuchi! _Light thought as he spoke his reassurance. _Kill her first! Before you do anything else, before we catch you, kill Misa Amane! Deliver me, Kira! I don't care about my responsibility or any obligation to her, I want her gone!_

* * *

Higuchi wrote the other name in Matsui's file and returned to the Sakura TV broadcast in his car. Forty seconds…

Nothing. Matsui was a worthy adversary, despite his façade of dopiness. He must have been some sort of mad genius to have come up with such a plan… And no one would guess it of that foolish-looking man, trying to hide his face in his hands, occasionally leaning too far away from the microphone to disguise his voice.

Higuchi would just have to go to Sakura TV to take care of Matsui himself.

* * *

Higuchi did not find Matsui at Sakura TV. He found a cardboard cutout of Matsui and the host and a tape of the conversation.

And Chief Inspector Yagami.

With a gun.

A big gun.

And friends.

With guns.

Big guns.

Higuchi took the only course of action that occurred to him.

He ran.

With his tail between his legs.

* * *

Higuchi sped away in his car and hoped to see the last of his would-be captors. Sadly, he didn't see the helicopter flying over him.

"Ryuuzaki?" Light was amazed. "You can fly a helicopter?"

"It's really quite simple," L assured him.

In the back of the helicopter, Watari donned a skintight ninja outfit (that no one really wanted to see) and picked up a rifle. "It's as simple as shooting a target from 500 meters to incapacitate without killing," he added.

"I'll take your word for it," Light sighed.

* * *

Higuchi found himself cornered, with a police blockade in front of him and Chief Yagami and a helicopter behind him.

"Damn it!" he yelled.

"Finally," Rem sighed.

Higuchi opened the car door and held the Death Note above his head, "Everybody, stand down! I have a book and I'm not afraid to use it! Just let me through and no one gets hurt!"

The Japanese police, led by Aizawa and Ide, were not intimidated in the slightest by a deranged businessman's appointment book. They prompted wrestled him to the ground.

L grabbed the microphone in the helicopter and told Yagami, "Chief, if you would pick up Higuchi's notebook? I have a feeling that his threat was no joke."

Yagami did as L told him and let out a bloodcurdling scream. Mogi rushed to his superior's side and picked up the book.

Mogi's shriek was surprisingly girlish. "It's a monster!!!"

"Shinigami…" L muttered.

"Monster… Thank you so very much… Your compliments make me blush…" Rem grumbled.

The notebook was passed around with much screaming and eventually made its way into L's hands.

"Well, there's the shinigami," L looked out the helicopter window. He kept his cool remarkably well for someone staring at the bringer of Death. "So this is it," he stared at the notebook in his hands. "Kira's big weapon."

"Can I have a look?" Light asked.

"Do you think it would be all right?" L eyed what appeared to the ignorant to be Light's new beer belly.

"Fine, I'm sure, it's just a notebook," Light grabbed it. He screamed. Loudly. For a long time. With a hint of agony.

"Shinigami is a little scary, I guess," L took Light's hand in his.

But Light was not screaming in response to the shinigami. He was screaming because of the overwhelming number of repressed memories rushing back to him. Like that bit his father had said about hearing him and Ryuuzaki making love nearly every night. Light shuddered once again. But that was just a drop in the bucket compared to the rest of it.

He was Kira. Ryuuzaki was his enemy. He was Kira. The father of his child was trying to throw him in jail. He had tried to kill the father of his child. Hell, he was still trying to kill the father of his child… wasn't he?

Light, despite all his idiosyncrancies (read "god complex"), had never heard voices in his head before. Ever. At least, he had heard only one voice, and that was his own. But now there were two, both sounding rather like him, only one a bit more high-strung (to put it nicely) than usual. They were arguing. Their conversation went as follows:

"_I AM KIRA._"

"Well, yes…"

"_I AM GOD OF THE NEW WORLD._"

"I suppose…"

"_I AM JUSTICE. CRIMINALS COWER AT THE MERE MENTION OF MY NAME._"

"Technically, yes…"

"_ONCE L IS DEAD, NOTHING WILL STAND IN THE WAY OF THE CREATION OF THE NEW WORLD!"_

"Wait… once L is dead? Do we really have to kill L?"

"_…OF COURSE. HE'S IN OUR WAY OF CREATING THE NEW WORLD. THAT WAS THE PLAN: GO UNDER OBSERVATION, GIVE DEATH NOTE TO SOMEONE ELSE, PROVE INNOCENCE, KILL L. IS THERE A PROBLEM?"_

"Well, yes… during the observation, something sort of happened…"

"_WHAT DO YOU… WAIT. WHY IS L HOLDING MY HAND?_"

"That's the thing…"

"_WHY IS MY ARCHENEMY HOLDING MY HAND?_"

"Well, while you were out, we…"

"_YOU WHAT?_"

"How to put it… started a relationship."

"_YOU SEDUCED HIM?_"

"Not exactly."

"_WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'NOT EXACTLY'?_"

"Well, it was more of a seduction by mutual consent. And the seduction was more two-sided than I think you have in mind."

"_I SEE_."

"And after all that, I'd really rather not kill L."

"_NOT KILL L?_"

"Yes, and… come on, get it out there… Impregnantandhesthefather. Well, sort of…"

"_WHAT?! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!"_

"Funny, that's exactly what I said… ha ha?"

"_I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD BETRAY ME!_"

"It does tend to not work that way. Actually, I think I'd rather not be Kira."

"_WHAT?! BUT I AM KIRA! GOD OF THE NEW WORLD! I WILL RID THE WORLD OF CRIMINALS TO MAKE IT A BETTER PLACE! PEOPLE NEED ME!_"

"Only with the notebook. If I hand it back to Ryuuzaki, you go away."

"_YOU WOULDN'T._"

"I would, and I think I will."

But it was already too late for the high-strung voice. Such a length of time holding L's hand convinced him to shut up and ship out.

Now, all Light had to do was hand the Death Note back to L and be rid of his memories as Kira forever. Hand it back before anything could happen to Higuchi.

"Kira's notebook," Light whistled. "Hard to believe." He held it out to L.

Higuchi began to struggle against his captors.

L reached for the notebook.

"You won't take me alive!" Higuchi screamed as he broke free and ran for it.

Watari took aim and fired. Higuchi fell back as a red stain spread across his jacket.

"Damn," Watari muttered. "I think I've killed him. I must be getting rusty."

L forgot about taking the notebook back in the face of this new predicament. Light could only watch in horror as Higuchi took his last breaths and full ownership of the Death Note transferred to him.

Light tried dropping the notebook in shock. Maybe that would free him of his memories. No luck. Higuchi was already dead.

"Shit!" he yelled.

L glanced at him.

"We didn't even get to question him," Light tried to cover it up.

"Well, we still have the shinigami and the notebook," L retrieved the notebook from the helicopter floor.

_Well_, Light mused. _I just have to keep it a secret. Ryuuzaki will have his doubts, but no one has to know, right?_

* * *

**Author's Ramble**: Ah, that was almost 2000 words… mostly in one sitting… my back hurts. I also spent several hours today watching Rolo trying to take Lelouch for himself… Ah, but I can't pair Lulu with Suzaku, that would make Euphy sad… and I'm just the sort of person who could never make Euphy sad. Euphy~~~! She's so adorable! :3 Anyhoo, Geass tangent aside, I hope it wasn't to annoying to read the all-caps. I was trying to render Light in all his "Boku ga Kira da" glory, and that was all I could come up with… ^^; Gomen! Next chapter, it's bye-bye to Misamisa! Well… sorta… Rem won't be happy, will she?


	13. Goodbye

**Author's Note**: Nyoron…

**Disclaimer**: I'm not Kira, I don't own a Death Note…

* * *

"I have mixed feelings about this," Light muttered as the handcuffs were unlocked and fell to the floor. "The feeling of unhindered blood circulation in this hand is nice, though…"

"Well, we'll be free after this," L glanced at the monitor that showed Misa Amane waiting for her beloved Light to send her off. "Think about it, we may never have to hear her grating voice ever again…"

Yes, it was time for Light to keep his word. The Kira of Yotsuba had been caught (well, killed anyway…). Misa would be of no more help to the investigation, so she would return home.

And she would return home knowing what she had missed by sleeping on another floor.

* * *

"Oh, Light, I'll miss you so much!" Misa sobbed. "I promise I'll visit you everyday! Maybe we can go on a real date now that you're not handcuffed to that weirdo anymore!"

"Misa… about that…" Along with the rest of his memories as Kira, a particular death threat was troubling Light: "Do anything to hurt Misa, and I'll kill you on the spot, Light Yagami." And Rem meant it.

"Oh, well, I guess Ryuuzaki didn't turn out to be so bad…" Misa completely misinterpreted Light's words.

"Ah… yes… Don't call Ryuuzaki a weirdo; he's good friend."

"Well, tell Ryuuzaki that I'm sorry, 'kay? I'll come back soon," Misa kissed Light. "Try to work on shedding some of those pounds!"

The sliding doors closed behind Misa, and Light heaved a great sigh, "Come back in about six months, and it'll be all gone."

"She took that rather well," L observed upon Light's return. "Is she a fangirl, by any chance?"

"I'll tell you later," Light threw a nervous glance toward Rem. "So where does the investigation stand?"

"We're back to square one, looking for a correlation between the killings and anything else… if the killings start again, that is. If they don't," L shrugged, "I suppose it's over."

_Over_. Light sincerely hoped so. Unless someone found the Death Note buried in the woods… Maybe he could dig it up and burn it first… He would have to wait, though, until it didn't look suspicious… Perhaps a month… Then, some errand would need running, and…

"…Light, are you still with us?"

"Huh?" Light was forced to take a brief break from strategizing.

"You looked like you were planning something out. It isn't four months until our anniversary. If you plan that far ahead, I believe the probability that you are Kira goes up four percent." L smirked.

Rem looked startled, to say the least. She seemed to float toward the table where the Death Note rested, if only slightly. Light had to think quickly.

"Haha, Ryuuzaki, you joker!" Light belted out an uncharacteristic belly laugh. "Our anniversary! Good one! I was just planning out my next date with Misa! Haha… ha… heh…"

L gave Light a suspicious look. Blushing, with a sweatdrop… and was his head a bit larger in proportion to his body? Yes, he was definitely hiding something.

"Well, that's okay; I was done talking regardless. Light? If you would accompany me upstairs? Alone…"

* * *

The door closed behind L, as if that would help if Rem decided that she was entitled to hear the conversation.

"Light, what just happened?"

Light sighed. "I was just thinking… if Misa were Kira…"

"Misa Amane could not possibly be Kira. She could only be the second Kira."

"All right, if Misa were the second Kira…"

"Then you would be Kira."

"Well, yes, but… In a completely theoretical world that has no basis in fact whatsoever where Misa possibly had a Death Note at some point in time and the possibility exists that she may possess one again while I have nothing to do with any of it, I'd really rather not risk being on the receiving end of said theoretical Death Note."

"You're afraid to tell her the truth now?" L cocked his head.

"Well… not _afraid_, just… just… well, yes, afraid, yes."

"Don't be. Did you hear how many qualifications that last statement of yours had? The probability of those circumstances occurring is less than one percent."

"Well, I mean, that's certainly believable, I was really specific, but…"

"Just tell her tomorrow, okay?"

Light was tempted to shake his head furiously and proclaim his nonexistent love for Misa far too loudly. However, he only nodded slightly and muttered, "Yeah, tomorrow…"

* * *

"Hi, Lightikins~!"

"Hey, Misa…"

"It's sooo super-duper to see you!"

"Yeah, you too…"

"Ready to go on a date?!"

"Um… I'm busy today. Maybe tomorrow?"

"Oh, that's okay! See ya~!"

* * *

After such a miserable failure, L decided that moral support was needed. The next day, when Misa came, L stood in the lobby with Light.

"Ryuuzaki, you're here too? Good thing! I baked you boys a cake for working so hard to catch Kira! Ryuuzaki, make sure you eat more of it than Lightikins does! He's not using his brain enough, apparently!"

"Misa…" Light began.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Light, are you sensitive about it?"

"No, it's just that…" Rem's visage entered Light's mind. "You must have read my mind, I was just thinking about cake."

Misa placed the cake in Light's hands. "Well, here you go!"

L, who had been in deep meditation since the subject of cake arose, suddenly came to a decision. "Actually, Miss Amane, what Light meant to say was that he means to end his relationship with you. We've been seeing each other for some time now, I'm afraid that I've accidentally impregnated him."

Light began to pray for a fangirl intervention.

"What?! What are you— Oh, I get it! You're trying to trick me! Not funny! But I forgive you, Ryuuzaki…"

"…"

"Ryuuzaki?"

"…"

"Lightikins?"

"…"

"Oh, come on, Light, he's just kidding… Oh… Oh my God… Oh my God…"

_Please be a fangirl, please be a fangirl, please be a fangirl._

"You… You LIED to me, Light?! And you… you… YOU!!! Who the hell do you think you are?! You grab my ass, steal my cell phone, interrogate me, steal my _boyfriend_, call me stupid, and then, instead of just apologizing, even if I _would _forgive you, you just tell me this obvious lie! I hate you, Ryuuzaki! Do you think I'm that stupid? Men can't be pregnant! That's… That's… Oh my God… That's the truth, isn't it?! Oh my GAWD! Ryuuzaki… you… you… What's WRONG with you?! What did you—You know what? I bet L stands for 'loser'! You hear that? Loser! Loser, loser, loser, loser, loser!!! Well, goodbye—no, not goodbye, badbye! Badbye, Light! Badbye, _Loser_!"

Misa stormed out of the building, and the glass doors slid shut behind her, hopefully for the last time.

"Not a fangirl," Light sighed.

"Well, that could have gone worse," L pointed out. "At least she left the—"

Misa suddenly reappeared. She wrested the cake from Light's hands and stormed out of the building once more, muttering to herself, "And I'll enjoy every last bite."

"The cake…" L moaned. "The cruelty of woman…"

Light, on the other hand, was more concerned about what he considered an imminent heart attack at the hands of a certain protective shinigami.


	14. Disappearance

**Author's Note**: Happy New Year! *epically late* And Happy Midterms Week! Wait… That's not a happy thing… *thinks for a moment* Well, I don't really need to study for Psychology anyway…

**Disclaimer**: No own

* * *

Half an hour later, Light was surprised to still be alive. After the rather blunt way L informed Misa of the pregnancy, he had expected a heart attack… a horrible accident… a lengthy shouting… at the very least, a death glare… But there had been nothing.

Not even a…

"Oh, crap…" Light muttered.

"What's wrong?" L asked, sitting at the computer next to him. "Did you forget to order more sugar cubes from the grocery store?"

"Have you seen Rem lately?"

"No, now that you mention it…" L pulled up security camera after security camera.

No Rem.

"Well, it looks like we lost a shinigami." L was nonetheless extremely calm.

Light, on the other hand, felt as if he would have a heart attack without Rem's help.

* * *

Misa couldn't stop crying. Light… And that cake… She had eaten the whole thing. Now she would get fat and her entire career would be ruined. It was Light and that _Loser's_ fault. Stupid Loser…

"Misa…"

She looked up and screamed. "A MONSTER!"

Rem sighed.

"Oh, it's you!" Misa perked up after a moment. "Thanks for tipping me off about that creeper Higuchi! But… you said… I could trust…" She returned to tears. "LIIIIGHTIKINNNSSS!"

"He will pay, Misa, I promise you. If there's anything else you want me to do…"

"Rem?"

"Yes?"

"Can you go get me some chocolate ice cream?"

* * *

**Author's Note**: :3 Ah, that chocolate ice cream, Supreme Leader of Comfort Food… Ugh, short chapter, but like I said, I have midterms… and an internal assessment in English… and extended essay research… and massive amounts of History homework due immediately after midterms… T_T Shoot me now…


	15. Ideal

**Author's Note**: And now that midterms are over, I have an English oral, more massive amounts of History homework, a 4000-word extended essay, a 1200-word Theory of Knowledge essay, a 20-minute Theory of Knowledge presentation to plan, stupid school drama, a big science-y research thingy, ten Emily Dickinson poems and King Lear to read and analyze, a French AP exam to practice failing for, a series of math competitions eating up my Saturdays, a few lit mag submissions to touch up, and a Relay for Life to train for… Oh, and I need to decide which college I'm going to and what I'll do for the rest of my life _right now_ or else I obviously don't care about my future and will end up unhappy in life… I repeat, shoot me now and end this plague called "junior year"… *sigh* Why do I do this to myself? Well, now that the rant is over, I'm sorry this took such a long time to write, but I've been busy and inspiration has not been particularly forthcoming. God, I hope the author's note doesn't turn out to be longer than the chapter XD

**Disclaimer**: No own.

**Author's Note 2**: That author's note up there was very therapeutic to write… *goes to get chocolate*

* * *

Twenty-five days, thirty-two gigabytes of data, one thousand two hundred fifty-seven cups of coffee, and countless sugar cubes and cupcakes later, there were no new leads on Kira.

_Nor should there be_, Light reminded himself as he watched L work. As long as things were quiet, everything would work out. He still hadn't gotten the chance to burn the Death Note he had buried… He was too occupied bringing L that coffee. After all, he knew just how he liked it… so submerged in sugar that it was unrecognizable.

It really was a miracle that they were both still alive. Maybe Misa wasn't really that angry… No, that was a stupid idea. Maybe the baby was protecting him… But no, then why wasn't Ryuuzaki…? Really, there was no good reason why Rem hadn't killed at least one of them yet… or was there?

Little did Light know, chocolate ice cream was his savior.

"Light?" L interrupted Light's train of thought. "Why aren't you working? Do you have an idea?"

"Well… I was just thinking that maybe Higuchi _was_ Kira," Light attempted to cover himself.

"Light, we've been over this…"

"Or maybe Kira is done! He gave up!"

L gave a skeptical look. "Kira, give up? His ideal of a perfect world? I doubt it…"

"Maybe he found another ideal," Light suggested. "Something more important to him, something less destructive… you know?"

L sighed and thought for a moment. "If what you say is true… Why hasn't Kira made some sort of announcement? Wouldn't he want his followers to know that he's found this new ideal? That killing isn't the answer?"

"You're right…" Light laughed. "He would convert his followers, first thing. I guess we keep looking…"

_Drat_, Light thought, _Now I can't do that or it'll be suspicious… Why didn't I think of that?!_


	16. Rain

Author's Note

: Eh, I just noticed that there's an author's note near the beginning of this about summer and Towel Day… Damn, I forgot Towel Day this year, but have I really been writing this for an entire year? Well, at least school is almost over…

**EDIT**: Okay, so summer was busy and now it's almost over and I have only written an author's note for this chapter. DAMN YOU, COLLEGE APPLICATIONS THAT I STILL HAVE MANAGED TO NOT START YET! (I really have no excuse except my own laziness)

**Disclaimer**: No own this

* * *

Sakura TV was not known for having access to exclusive interviews with politicians (or really anyone) of great importance- except, of course, for Kira, if you could call those tapes interviews. As a result, with the recent disappearance of Kira, their ratings were plummeting. After all, the only thing that could be said about Kira was, "He is still considered at large, but no further killings have been attributed to him."

Understandably, this soon became rather old news.

* * *

It had been three months since the handcuffs that had bound L and Light together for better or for worse (although largely for better) were removed. L was nowhere to be found, and Light couldn't stand it. He had checked every room in headquarters and he was nowhere. He had to be at headquarters, he never left, but… Light feared the worst. After all, Rem had had three months to get around to killing the ones who had hurt Misa.

There was only one place Light hadn't checked, but L wouldn't be there. After all, it was pouring outside, so why would he- No question about it, L was fine; he was just on the roof in the middle of a rainstorm. Did he never worry about lightning? Tornadoes?

Light thought it best to try getting L off the roof.

"But Kira wouldn't give up. Never… His perfect world, his illusion of godliness, they're too important to him to just give up…"

Light wasn't sure if L knew he was there. He decided to make his presence known. "But he might have. Maybe he had some sort of life-changing experience… fell in love, got married- or more likely, almost died in a car crash and saw the afterlife… something like that… Ryuuzaki, how about we talk about this inside…"

"Life-changing experience…" L seemed not hear Light's last sentence. "It would have to be very life-changing… maybe Kira is pregnant…"

"Wh-What are you talking about, Ryuuzaki? We've been through this before. I'm not Kira! – Never have been!" A slight hesitation that would have given Light away instantly- seven months ago.

"That's not what I meant. I was just thinking that the possibility that Kira is a woman hasn't been entirely ruled out."

"O-oh." A mistake that Light wouldn't have made. One that L wouldn't have missed. The criminal mastermind and the great detective were slipping.

"It might be better this way. As long as I'm working on the Kira case, I can stay here. If I have to travel, then the child will grow up without a… a… second parent."

"We'll go with you!" Light offered. "I can help you with cases and… and… let's just go back inside."

* * *

**A/N**: Okay, so I crapped out at the end… of the chapter, I mean… I think the next chapter will be the beginning of the end… Oh time-skips, best friends of the writer who runs out of ideas in the second trimester.


	17. Water

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Death Note and my knowledge of detectives comes from Agatha Christie books and Monk re-runs, so please don't take me seriously for the first time now.

* * *

Near the end of nine months and having only left headquarters once since his impregnation, Light began to get restless. Weighing the alternatives, L managed to convince even Watari that it was better for him and Light to take daily walks than for Matsuda to follow through on his idea to learn the Lamaze method and give Light a private class. The mental image of Matsuda in pink sweats left mental scars equivalent to being mauled by a tiger.

And so, the children of the neighborhood were treated to the daily spectacle of the weirdo guy and the fat, pretty guy strolling around and holding hands.

It was on one of these strolls that Light said something that nearly gave L a heart attack without use of a Death Note:

"Oh, darn. My water broke."

L panicked as he never had before, not even in the face of certain death at the hands of a criminal he was trying to bring to justice. He had to get Light to the hospital, but how to do that? And he didn't bring a cell phone that day, they would have to use a phone at the hospital to spread the news… but getting to the hospital? Too far to walk, no cabs coming by, and women in labor never took the bus, did they?

"Ryuuzaki…? Oh. Sorry, poor choice of words," Light interrupted the thought process. "I was talking about my water bottle." Indeed, Light's water bottle was leaking all over the sidewalk.

L's composure returned instantly. "Oh. That's all. Please don't scare me like that again."

* * *

The door to Misa's apartment slammed shut. She was home from her first day back as a model early. It was just as well, since Rem planned to have a good long talk about nutrition with her. Misa had eaten mostly chocolate ice cream for the past six months and not nearly enough fruits and vegetables. Misa needed to diversify her diet, for her own good.

But it was not to happen today. "REM!" Misa screamed. "They FIRED ME! ME! MISA-MISA! You know why? Because I gained twenty pounds! I got too FAT!"

Rem was about to console Misa about her body image and recommend a balanced diet and regular exercise, but she didn't get a chance.

"He'll pay for this… THEY'LL pay! This is all because of LIGHT and RYUUZAKI! Oh, Rem? Would you do me a BIG favor?"

* * *

It had been a pleasant day up until that point. Nice weather, warm with a light breeze. A relative lack of gawking. But somehow, a very angry Misa and Rem blocking the sidewalk, yelling that Light was Kira and a terrible boyfriend and the cause of all Misa's woes, ruined all of it for L and Light.

Both boys tried to convince Misa that she wore the extra twenty pounds extremely well and that the modeling agency was crazy to fire her, but she wasn't buying it. And even more unfortunately, neither was Rem.

"Light Yagami, what you have done to Misa, I cannot forgive," Rem glowered. "And that goes for you as well," her glare shifted to L.

"Uh, Ryuuzaki…" Light seemed to stare at his feet.

"Don't worry, Light," L smirked as best he could under the circumstances. "You see, I already knew Light was Kira and made him promise to stop the killings. He told me something about shinigami that you seem to have forgotten. If you write our names for Miss Amane's sake, you'll die." Liar. L had had only the vaguest idea that Light was Kira and knew nothing of what he was talking about. He was just spouting nonsense that sounded like sense to him. As a detective, it was part of his job, although not the glorified part. That would be when the nonsense that sounded like sense actually turned out to be sense. He was hoping to get lucky on the first try.

"I know. I'm willing to die for this." Rem answered.

Well, yes and no. "Bother, that changes things a bit," L muttered.

"Ryuuzaki," Light said. "It's pretty important."

"Thank you so much, Rem," Misa was on the verge of tears. "You're the best friend a girl could ever have, willing to give your life to smite that man-whore and that boyfriend stealer for me. I swear, I'll miss you every day!"

"Really important," Light added.

"Then say it, Light," L responded. "Not as if you have much time left."

"Goodbye, Light! You could have been a god with me, but you chose _him_ instead!" Misa continued her dramatic monologue.

"My water broke."

"Is that all? Really, this is the second time this week. If we get out of this alive, you can just buy another one." L waved him off, more concerned about the shinigami holding a pen to a Death Note than Light's busted water bottle.

"Prepare to die!" Rem began to write very slowly to increase the scene's level of suspense.

L.

"No, Ryuuzaki, I mean this: My. Water. Broke.

L.

"Oh. Oh! You mean-?" L's heart began to beat faster.

A.

"Yes. Labor."

W.

L had never cursed before in his entire life. He didn't even learned the f-word until he was sixteen, much less use it. Now, with a shinigami writing his name in a Death Note and his boyfriend going into labor, it seemed an appropriate time to start.

L.

"Wait, Light's having the baby?" Misa gasped.

I.

The boys nodded grimly.

E.

"Wait, Rem, stop!" Misa screamed. "STOP!"

7?

"We could," Misa gulped. "Maybe wait for Light to finish giving birth. Not really the baby's fault if his parents are the scum of the Earth, is it?"

"Great idea," Light didn't seem completely there. "Emergency room. Maternity ward. Whichever's closer, I say."

* * *

**Author's Note**: Next time, the final chapter! Will the baby be born healthy? Is it a boy or a girl? Will Rem actually kill L and Light in the end anyway? Will Matsuda get a refund on those pink sweats? Why am I asking so many questions when I know the answers? Stay tuned to find out!


	18. New Life

**Author's Note**: I'm sorry. Oh my God, I am so sorry. I haven't updated this in over a year. And it ended with a cliffhanger. That I intended to resolve, but it didn't happen because life and reasons and laziness and stuff like that. But now the Hetalia Event Comm is updating all their fanfics and it was kind of the kick in the pants I needed. So once again, I'm really sorry about the ridiculous delay and here's the last chapter ^^; I hope you enjoy it!

* * *

As it turned out, the maternity ward was closer, which was quite fortunate as the doctors and nurses there had seen so many unusual things that they had actually begun to take bets on when the first pregnant man would come in. Whoever had bet closest to October 16th was about to make a killing.

The nurse at the front desk took Light's insurance information from L as Light was escorted into a delivery room, screaming in pain all the way.

As soon as the insurance information was processed, L whipped out his cell phone to call Watari with the news and rushed to the delivery room where Light was. And then, in the midst of all this commotion, Misa and Rem found themselves alone.

"It's… It's going to be a while waiting, isn't it?" Misa said to Rem. "May as well sit down."

Rem nodded and Misa took a seat in the waiting room. A young woman talking to the air in front of her drew only a few curious stares, oddly enough.

"Those jerks… leaving me out here… although I guess if I were one of them, I wouldn't want me in there either…" Misa sighed.

"I could still kill the detective now," Rem offered. "And then Light would have to live alone…"

Misa waved her hand. "No. It has to be both of them… If…"

"If?"

"If nothing." Misa shook her head. "It has to be both of them."

And she waited. She waited as the Kira Investigation Squad burst through the door and went straight to the delivery room. They barely noticed her.

"I won't forgive them. I won't let them be happy." She muttered. "It isn't fair."

Rem nodded sympathetically.

* * *

It was two hours. Two hours of pain and misery and expectation. But it was over. L had nearly had a heart attack of his own accord, but managed to stay supportive throughout. Light was more tired than anything else. Mastuda had passed out approximately five minutes after arriving in the delivery room. Misa had given up waiting quietly for her vengeance and had taken to wandering the halls of the maternity ward, with Rem following close behind. And at the end of the two hours, she finally heard the shriek that tipped her off to Light's location. It was Matsuda, recently awakened from his stupor, only to quickly fall into another one:

"IT'S A GIRL?"

Misa turned and began to walk in the direction of the scream.

* * *

Matsuda collapsed again immediately after his outburst. In those two hours, he had seen things he had never expected to see in a lifetime. They all had. But Mastuda had taken it especially hard.

"I suppose there was a 33% probability that Light and I would have a girl…" L mused. "Although I must admit, this was unexpected."

"A girl, huh?" Light smiled softly as the doctors took the baby away to be cleaned. "What'd you think we should name her?"

"You haven't thought of a name yet?" Yagami asked.

"Not really," L admitted. "And even if we did, we probably wouldn't have thought of a girl's name."

"I have a suggestion," Watari cleared his throat. "Why not Keiko?"

"Not bad…" L admitted. "Although you're making it sound like she's my protégé or something…"

"I like it," Light said. "And I expect she will be eventually… Given who her parents are…"

L frowned slightly for a moment. Who the baby's parents were. The great detective L and the serial killer Kira. Mortal enemies, at least in theory. And now he would have to ruin everything by doing the right thing or sell out his own morals by keeping it a secret. Semi-fortunately, there was an interruption that postponed his decision.

"HOLD IT RIGHT !"

It was Misa, with Rem close behind, Death Note in hands.

"Shall I?" Rem asked. The others stood helplessly as she raised her pen.

Misa did not answer Rem's question. Instead, she asked one of her own. "So it's a girl?"

L managed to nod.

"And how the hell do you expect to raise a girl by yourselves?" Misa huffed. "She's going to need some kind of female influence, someone to talk to about girl stuff!"

L could have argued with this logic. Light could have as well. But given the circumstances, neither of them was about to try.

Misa stomped her foot. "You give me some time with the baby, let me pick out some cute clothes for her, make me godmother or something… I might let you live."

L and Light did not want Misa as Keiko's godmother. They would have been happy to never see Misa ever again. But living seemed a little more important.

"Welcome to the family." Light sighed.

"Yes, welcome." L acquiesced.

Misa grinned. "All right then! I guess I'll just have to let you two live! I can't wait to see how cute she is!"

Rem put her pen down with a sigh of relief. If Misa could be happy this way, then it would work out better for everyone.

At that moment, Matsuda re-awakened. "The baby!" he exclaimed. "The baby's here!"

He rushed out of the delivery room in anticipation and most of the team followed. Only Light's father lingered for a few moments.

"Do you need me to stay here, son?" he asked.

Light considered for a moment, then sighed. "Not right now. I'd rather have a few moments with Ryuuzaki, if you don't mind."

Yagami nodded and left the new parents to their own devices.

"Well, she's finally here." Light smiled. "We have a child… oddly enough."

"Because we're both men? Or because I'm L and you're Kira?" L asked. "Light… We need to talk about that."

Light sighed. "Ryuuzaki. Kira is dead. I'm willing to say that if you are."

L groaned. "I… I want to be willing to say that…"

"Then do." Light's eyes became pleading. "If not for my sake, then for Keiko's. I'm done as Kira, I promise."

L gave Light a long look before muttering, "You would say that whether you were done as Kira or not."

Light bit his lip. He couldn't argue with that.

"But I'll give you benefit of the doubt this time," L said eventually. "After all, if Kira comes back, I know who to blame. You lose our little game of cat and mouse, though."

Light sighed in relief. "I'm fine with that… Ryuuzaki?"

"Yes?"

"You don't have to go, do you? We can… We can stay together, right? I… I'll help you on cases and…"

"I'll have to talk to Watari, but I'm sure he'll allow it… Given circumstances…"

"That we're parents."

"Yeah… Parents…"

"Oh my God, we're parents." The realization hit Light full force.

"We'll do fine." L sounded more sure of himself than he actually was.

"We better." Light let out a small laugh.

And time was the only thing that would tell.

* * *

**A/N**: There. It's done. Finally. With my typical "bad at writing endings"-ness. Once again, I'm really sorry for the unofficial extended hiatus. Thank you so much for reading all the way through! I know I'm bad at showing it, but I love you all! If there is a next time, then til then! 3


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